A blog to chart my journey with diet, weight loss and clothes
Get in! 
Positives: Today I have managed to have 3 meals and 1 snack. I felt like eating good for me food more than yesterday. I lost 2lbs this week.
Negatives: I missed one of my snacks and was starving by lunch time. My porridge from yesterday had gone off so I bout a take away
Not ideal but I’m really happy with the progress.
I ate my sausage and bean stew like a good girl. 
I cannot explain to you how much I really, really, really didn’t want to.
My other meals were less successful. I had ham, cheese and butter for breakfast instead of the planned porridge, then for dinner has a take away. However they were at least meal shaped – progress!!!
The work book I ordered came through and it looks promising. 
Having read through to the end of step one I have cemented that I have a realistic knowledge of weight and a good grasp of nutrition. However I never really thought they were my problem. I guess this stuff is always there to establish a baseline knowledge for all readers.
The workbook cites 5 principles;
1 and 2 seem quite reasonable. Im not sure about the effectiveness of trying to implement 2 and 3, and 5 is the main problem for me. 
In order to get started the guidence for step 1 is:
Step 1 is to
Hope fully I can manage this.
After 3 weeks of very much taking my eye off the ball, visiting friends and being ill I weighed in on Tuesday and found that I now weigh more than I ever had. It both scared and upset me.
More of my family have been talking about seeking help re a binge eating disorder. And I hate it. I hate that that means I don’t have control. I hate that its another illness to add to my already full bow of illnesses. I hate that they’re right. I dont want to talk to a therapist, but mainly because I have no obvious reason to be damaged. By rights I should be balanced and happy. I had a loving up bringing, I’m intelligent , I have a good core group of friends, nothing majorly traumatic happened in my childhood, I haven’t had abusive partners. Yes I’ve had/got CML but my problems with food started a lifetime before that was on the scene. Objectively what the hell have I got to complain about!! Going to a therapist seems like being a fraud. I’m also worried that I’ll be too objective and not actually bring myself to any sessions, that ill just look at them as academic exercises, as being emotionally involved and vulnerable is something I just dont do. 
Anyway as a for now; 
I’ve a new book. I’ve just ordered a binge eating and compulsive overeating work book. I’m starting to read it now.
Oh gods help me do something successfully with this.
Day off!!
I started off with good intentions;
9:30 I’m at my parents cooking tomorrow’s lunch for all of us and my breakfast is in the microwave- coco, peanut butter, oats, milk, honey. I ate it running round the kitchen which didn’t help, and there was too much coco for me this morning. But otherwise everything is good. 
11:45; pull up at Tesco to buy ingredients for biscuits for a friends daughters birthday on Saturday. So that my brother and I can spend a few hours chatting and baking and decorating. In theory this is a great idea, we get all the fun of making biscuits with pretty (if a little juvenile) decorations – but don’t ha e to eat a bit of it. Except fingers get sticky and my automatic reaction is to lick them.
By the end of the day I’ve had several biscuits, with jam and icing, on and I bought two pretzels, eaten with butter and a block of feta.
In other news I’m really looking forward to the food on tomorrow’s plan.
Night.
Was messy and horrendous, WARNING contains things I never share with anyone and habits I’m deeply ashamed of – there’s a reason it’s called the honesty diet.
Woke up like:
As in could not get up, missed the run in the pool and felt :
Sh*t. Turns out my house mate had left the gas for the grill on, so may have been a little poisoned. Any way felt rubbish and my head decides the best way to deal with this is to issue an immediate:
demand. So because I was feeling rubbish in every sense of the word I did.
2 big bars of chocolate , 1 pack of toffees, 6 flat bagels with butter, 1 pack of hot dogs, 1 medium pasty, one tub of cheese spread 1 packet of pick and mix sweets. *shame shame shame* and 2 power balls.
felt sleepy all afternoon at work and when I went home
then ate the leftovers from above (1/2 a bagel and 3 sausages), 1 brownie and a tub of ben and jerries. *shame shame shame*. Then at 9:30 went up stairs to bed, via the loo to clean my teeth etc. Then my body decides to
press evacuate. And everything comes back up. This doesn’t usually happen. Occasionally my body decides to have a cleanse (I think due to meds etc), but I think this was genuinely a rejection of what I have consumed, even though, believe it or not, this is less than I have consumed on previous bad days.
Anyway this is me currently:
and the only reason I’ve written this is in the vain hope that I have a better for me day tomorrow and am able to put stuff in my body that is actually good for me.
Today was weird;
7:00 run in the pool
8:15 meeting with the accountants.
I made the mistake of picking up a coffee on the way, as I couldn’t contemplate facing anything remotely complex at that time in the am. This was a mistake because I found myself getting a coffee from McDonald’s and not Costa, and a double sausage and egg bagel and hash brown jumped in a bag and was handed to me. I think my justification was orange juice?
Bad Jennie. 
In fairness, my regular McDonald’s breakfast was always a double sausage and egg mc muffin meal and a sausage and egg bagel meal. So things have improved. But let’s face it it’s still shit, shit food, shit ingredients, shit loads of shifts carbs and fat.
8:45 – 19:00 work.
At some point during this time I ate 3 powerballs and my planned breakfast (oats, coco, blueberries, milk and a little sweetener).
I was concentrating on finishing an outfit for 3:30, for a very talkative and fussy client, so just didn’t stop and eat :-/. Then after she left (5pm!!!! – this woman did not pay me enough for the amount she talked!!!) I ate my breakfast.
19:20 – weigh in. Only lost .5lbs. Probably helped by my not eating much. But a loss is s loss and I’ll take it not being a gain gain as I’ve not had the best week good wise.
19:40 – 1 peach and some almonds.
21:00 – finally home. Too late to eat really and I can’t be arsed, so off to bed it is.
Must be careful I don’t overeat tomorrow as I expect my body with be protesting.
Today moving is hard! My legs ache so much.
7 :20 – run in the pool. Was really grateful to be able to move my limbs around as I knew it would help with the achy body, and it did, but it was harder work than usual
Really struggled not to get sausage, egg and cheese from a well known fast food chain. I cant tell you how hard it was to drive past and how easy it would have been to drive in.
8:30 I ended up eating the chicken I had packed for today in the car when I parked up for work. Makes me think my body was craving protein
9:45 – breakfast. Think I need to look at different breakfasts or go back to having porridge rather than overnight oats as it felt like eating gruel this morning. Feel full after though and ready to get on with the day.
11ish – customer handily reminded me that the pasties down stairs smell fantastic,
13:00 – ate lunch – yummy.
15:00 – finding life hard in general today. Meditated to try and get through the next two hours
17:47 – dropping a dress if for a client, god I’m hungry. And McDonald’s is on the way home. 
18:00 – made it. Though I don’t think ratatouille is for me. Salmon was nice though. Low cal high protein Cookie dough ice cream if is!!
And it was gooood!
8:15 – workout! After a very much less than enthusiastic start – Finally finally! Started to feel like I’m starting to get back into it. 45 minutes of raised heart rate – check!
9:30 – breakfast at costa – fat free yogurt, 30g of granola and a skinny flat white. Fancied something light and cold for breakfast
10:15 – food shop with list
11:45 – the good prep marathon begins!!!
13:00 – lunch – chicken pots with root veg mash. Thought these looked really pathetic and was sure I should have cooked some asparagus or something to go with it, but it was really good and really filling!!! Proper comfort food, felt quite indulgent in that regard. Felt sleepy afterwards and struggled to get going again on the food prep marathon. Also had a doughnut peach, yum, fancied a little something sweet. 
14:00 – the food prep marathon continues. It’s exhausting. Today we cooked 5x chocolate powerball recipes, 3x apricot powerball recipe, tonight’s dinner as well as monday and Tuesday lunch and Dinner and Wednesday dinner. Hopefully this massive food prep will mean that I will find this week easier and be able to get back into the gym in the evening again. 
18:00 – clean the house and a sort out Tupperware and FaceTime the best-ie :-). I was thinking that I wasn’t hungry, but then remembered that I’m the way home I had to fight the urge to carry on driving past my estate and get a takeaway dinner. But this may have had more to do with me having done so many things for me that we’re good and groenup and sensible that the devil on my shoulder was urging me to rebel and do something bad. 
20:00 – Cauliflower, sweet potato and spinach (left over veg) korma with mango side. Later than I’d ideally want to eat my evening meal, but I was distracted by my bestie and achieving like a grown-up-ing ninja badass! I feel full, I don’t think it was a MASSIVE portion, but I felt briefly full and sleepy. Overall though excellent day! 
21:27 – I’ve prepped my coffee and my breakfast and am all good for the am. Time to turn in. 
www.netflix.com/title/80233611
This is why I have no blog, I was social this evening and stayed too late because this was on and it is riveting an poignant and moving and absolutely everyone should watch it, but make sure you have time first.
Food wasn’t great, Have a plan for tomorrow and its food shop day and I actually have time to prep for next week.
It was ok. If I wasn’t trying to not have any added sugar or simple carbs I’d be quite pleased
– 8:00 – sausage and egg sandwich with Costa machine latte. Now here’s why I’m not amazingly mad at this: before I went in to fill up with petrol I had to pass McDonald’s. And I have a thing with sausage and cheese in the am. If I think about it properly they never taste as good as I think they do, but I was proper thirsty for one today. Do I told myself that it won’t taste like I think and I’ve got to fill up with petrol , so I can get my coffee from there. 
And then the sandwich jumped in. I think I was nervous about the amount of stuff I had to do that day and a dress for a bride that was being picked up. I had also not done the prep the night before – bad Jennie. 
However after I bit into it I didn’t want it anymore really, it tasted crap. So it quickly became a food is fuel thing. If someone had said here I’ll have that, you have this portion of your usual – id genuinely have said oh yes please if your sure. 
13:30 – finally got to get lunch, and here’s where I’m especially proud of myself. I had planned to go home to have lunch. But the day went haywire and I lost 3 hours in a mansion, with a customer who owned one of these: 
So I bought a box of salad, some prawns, a lemon and some mayonnaise :-0. And it was lush!!!
So I feel pretty smug about this particular move.
20:30 – I finally ate the sesame Syed’s stir-fry my dad was kind enough to make and bring me at 7. Whoops.
Diary of a fat seamstress 