What day are we on now?

Oh yes its a Saturday and day 8.

Enthusiasm for eating in a way that is good for me is in seriously low supply.

I’m starting to get worried because my work is no booked up for the next full 3 weeks, which is ridiculous because I do have enough work in and I’ve been desperate for enough time to do the website and get the social media sorted. At the same time I’m disappointed that I didn’t deliver the two shirts I was going to do today, which makes me feel like I’m failing when I’m not. As it is with everything – my reaction is to want to eat.

Today has not been my best food day. I find it difficult to know if I’m being unrealistically hyper critical of myself or if I’m slipping.

This is what I feel like I’ve done this evening

Can you see the slightly unhinged look in her eyes? That’s cos shes gone cheese mad!!!!. In fairness today has been trying, not just because it was busy, or because I feel like a failure, but also because firstly:

-one of the studios in my building asked me several times if I wanted prosecco, orange juice, sausages, cake, sausage rolls, some healthy vegetable crisps, mini pizzas! And I said no to all of it – even though I wanted a bowl of my own and to take giant handfuls of everything and take it back to my room o sit and eat on the couch. Then I weakened and had two squares of pizza.

And secondly:

– I have officially got my second day of spotting and defiantly have period pains!!!

I can not tell you how unhappy I am with this. A while ago (about 6 weeks) I had an implant and have not had a period since!!!! It’s been – BLISS!!!!! I was hoping that the worst I’d get is a bit of spotting, but its almost as if as soon as I cleared my food up – my body decided to have a period to punish me. After 6 weeks without one I am now dreading that they could be worse than when I was on the pill, I’m dreading the moos swings, the tiredness, the back ache and the gnawing background pain. I guess time will tell. I was just feeling so… stable. It was lovely.