Day 13

Hell I’m sick of this!!!!! Yo yo habit crap.

Yesterday started like this:

Officially feels like a lot longer than that today. I’m feeling this:

Though achievement no 1 of the day – I did not get a takeaway breakfast and have made it all the way to work.

Which is great – bad mood but avoided temptation.

And then…….

It was about 3, I was beat, sick of not being able to work with any level of concentration or efficiency, hot and in pain. So I shut off my brain, went down stairs and bought some rubbish.

Today:

And I feel crap for it. I feel like I’ve let myself down, my family down, you lo down. I feel like a failure.

What happens here usually is I go right thats a knock out, doesn’t work get really sad:

And then eat on the sadness, than feel crap and eat some more.

I’ve had a little thunk instead though. I need to be able to equip myself better for the mood dip that comes with this time of the month, and I think planing really supper healthy food is probably not my best tactic. I think I need to plan slightly more indulgent, but healthy foods, that I enjoy.

There was also a post that was brought to my attention on one of the CML facebook pages;

Its this bit at the bottom that caught my attention, especially as the food I had been eating had purposefully been low carb, to stop the GI rollercoaster.

Is there something in my medication, that makes my body feel it needs extra carbs? I know I am far from the only one on my medication that finds it extremely hard to lose weight. Is trying to be low carb, on this medication, combined with my high BMI and a period on top too much to ask my body to cope with so it keeps short circuiting and going back to its base line mode – eat rubbish, rubbish fixes everything?

I don’t know.

I wish to god I did.

I also had a discussion about how when I go off the deep end its almost like reverting back to child/parent mode with my food (social interaction model) and that most of the time now I manage to keep things balanced, in adult/adult mode, except when its the time of the month.

Long and short I need a new strategy. Not an entire overhaul, just a little bit of adjustment.

So…

I will now plan in to have more complex carbs in my food, acknowledging both a potential need for some due to meds, and also I don’t want too much of a calorie deficit as we all know that is just setting yourself up for failure.

I will also make sure that I am looking forward to eating what’s on plan and that Ive planned more indulgent but healthy foods for my next time of the month.