The only reason I have the impetus to write this is because my brother is an amazing person who keeps prodding me to write. Thank you for being a pain in the ass. 
All I want to do is keep wallowing in the shame, well, no I don’t want to wallow in the shame, I’m just too ashamed to do anything else. 
I feel like such a failure for not being able to just do it already, I don’t know how to believe I can. I mean theoretically I know it’s possible, but I don’t know how to believe (whole heartedly) That I am able to be a fit healthy person. 
I was discussing with my brother that being big is soo much a part of me. In my head I was a big person before I was even overweight. It’s easier to own the weight and size and pretend to be happy than to believe I can be any other way. 
Lisa’s book and my brother have both mentioned meditation and visualising who you want to be. So I think the next step is to give that a go.
I’ve made breakfast and lunch for tomorrow so I’m good to go on that front. Just hope that I haven’t self sabotaged by not having made dinner as it’s Tuesday tomorrow and I only have fruit and busy for snacks.
Diary of a fat seamstress 