After 3 weeks of very much taking my eye off the ball, visiting friends and being ill I weighed in on Tuesday and found that I now weigh more than I ever had. It both scared and upset me.
More of my family have been talking about seeking help re a binge eating disorder. And I hate it. I hate that that means I don’t have control. I hate that its another illness to add to my already full bow of illnesses. I hate that they’re right. I dont want to talk to a therapist, but mainly because I have no obvious reason to be damaged. By rights I should be balanced and happy. I had a loving up bringing, I’m intelligent , I have a good core group of friends, nothing majorly traumatic happened in my childhood, I haven’t had abusive partners. Yes I’ve had/got CML but my problems with food started a lifetime before that was on the scene. Objectively what the hell have I got to complain about!! Going to a therapist seems like being a fraud. I’m also worried that I’ll be too objective and not actually bring myself to any sessions, that ill just look at them as academic exercises, as being emotionally involved and vulnerable is something I just dont do. 
Anyway as a for now; 
I’ve a new book. I’ve just ordered a binge eating and compulsive overeating work book. I’m starting to read it now.
Oh gods help me do something successfully with this.
Diary of a fat seamstress 